Badseed's Bottomline #330

Why Does it Suck?

By Badseed

Hey yo!  Damn, it has been hard keeping up with a weekly column.  Today is my birthday or yesterday depending on when I posted this or when you read it or whatever.  Anyways, Iím on vacation next week, so I am asking my readers to write my column for me.  Send me your emails or post on my message board and tell me how to restart the womenís and/or cruiserweight division.  What wrestlers would you sign?  What storylines would you have?  Let me know.  I am excited. 

Well, if you havenít been paying much attention, I havenít been discussing recent storylines as of late.  That could be due to writing several columns in advance to meet my deadline or because the product sucks.  I opt for choice #2 because wrestling has really, really sucked as of late and I am going to discuss some things and why those thingsÖwell, sucked.  Pay attention Slapnuts!!

The Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio storyline sucks!  Why?  Well, not because of the storyline elements.  Wrestling has always been a soap opera that was way too over the top and unrealistic so I can let anything slide.  If people can go back in time on Guiding Light; if there can be witches on Passions; if everyone can die and find some way to come back to life on most soap operas; hell, if weíre supposed to believe that everything in 24 takes place in one day; well, we can let the WWE go crazy, but what bothers me the most is Rey Mysterioís mask. 

Rey Mysterio wears a mask for a reason.  Weíre not supposed to know what he looks like in person.  Oh wait, because now we do.  Forget the WCW storyline.  How does the WWE explain the man kissing Rey Mysterioís wife when it is not part of some wrestling storyline?  Are we supposed to believe Mysterio wears the mask when he does the grocery shopping?  I mean, now that we have seen the wife and son, we obviously know that the guy who is with them during Mysterioís days off is indeed Rey Mysterio.  If you are keeping your face private, you should be keeping your family life private, too.  Now, you can blame Eddie Guerrero and say that the long time friend dragged his family in as part of the drama, but Mysterio had his family in tow when he beat Matt Hardy for the cruiserweight title way back when.  Very stupid. 

Plus, they rushed the angle.  See, it wouldnít be too bad if they didnít rush it too quickly.  It seemed to have come out of nowhere; a way to keep the feud going beyond its normal parameters.  You can blame whoever you want, but Creative had all the time in the world to make this work.  They have gone out of their way to point out that Mysterio and Guerrero have a very deep connection.  They had a great built-in angle for quite some time. Say Mysterio never wore the mask.  Letís get rid of that obstacle for a moment.  Then, start showing Eddie and Reyís families together before their first match at Wrestlemania.  At these family moments, use subtlety to show Eddie acting just too concerned about Reyís sonís well-being. 

Next, as Chavo was egging Eddie on, why not have had Eddie go psycho on Rey, turn heel and then have Chavo try to help his uncle.  Chavo could have stalked his son in the ring, as the announcers speculated what would happen, because Mysterio was beaten outside the ring and couldnít help.  Suddenly, Eddie comes out and makes the save.  The fans go crazy, thinking Eddie turned face.  Chavo and Eddie have heated words as Mysterio looks in the ring and canít believe his eyes.  Suddenly, Chavo grabs the boy and Eddie shouts, ďThatís my son!Ē  Everyone becomes shocked.  Chavo backs off.  Rey and Eddie just stare at one another to end the show. 

Chavo gets in Eddieís head a little and makes Eddie realize that he should use this to his advantage.  Does he want to go down as a big loser who could never beat Rey Mysterio?  Eddie flips out and attacks Chavo, brutalizing him just before the draft when Chavo renounces the Guerrero name.  Eddie then does exactly what Chavo told him to do, using the child as a power play to get Rey to lose a match between the two.  The courts do not get involved.  Child services do not get involved.  Thatís too complicated.  Eddie keeps losing and threatens to get them involved to take custody of his son.  Rey tells him that he will never get to beat him in the ring if he does and he knows that is all Eddie really cares about.  Eddie goes for it and demands a ladder match at Summerslam with a contract hanging above.  The winner takes down the contract and the loser must sign it, renouncing rights to the child.  Thatís over the top, but a little more believable and dramatic.  Of course, Eddie never beats Mysterio, saving up for a World title feud between the two in the future. 

Why does the John Cena vs. Eric Bischoff feud suck?  Iíll tell you why.  Jericho is not strong enough to do it alone.  In the absence of HHH, Ric Flair should have brought Jericho, Angle, Carlito, Kerwin White and the Big Show together under Bischoff into the feud with Cena. 

The reason why the McMahon vs. Austin feud worked was because it was something new and McMahon had real power, he had stooges and he had a legacy behind him.  After Dude Love was over, he had Undertaker and Kane and then after that, an entire stable to battle Austin.  Bischoff is a failure who lost WCW and watched as his NWO angle continued on for too long, like a bad SNL skit.  He needs help and that comes in the form of Ric Flair. 

As it stands now, Cena is overcoming the odds, but he is doing so against a man he destroyed on Smackdown and a man who hasnít won a meaningful match since last October.  Going a different route from my rebel vs. conformist angle of last week, I would get Flair involved in a legitimate beef with Cena over what a real champion is.  The mic work between Cena and Flair would be hot. 

You get Angle involved because of his longtime hatred for Cena and to put him with Flair, who would start praising him instead of HHH, setting up a feud upon HHHís return. 

Carlito stays involved, because I do like how his feud with Cena carried over from Smackdown on to Raw.  That makes sense and if Jericho stays with the WWE, it adds tension between the two ďtalk showĒ hosts. 

Add Kerwin White because White hates everything Cena stands for.  His preppy attitude is a perfect fit for a mini feud between Raw-brand PPV shows. 

Big Show is the big guy who is better when he has a violent streak and a thirst for the title.  Having him on board would give Bischoff a bodyguard of sorts. 

Now, Cena would really have to overcome the odds and only get help from Shelton Benjamin and RVD, but would more often than not have to stand on his own.  Now thatís cool. 

Why does it suck when Internet writers blast the WWE for not meeting the Dudley Boysí demands for more money?  Iíll tell you.  It is ok to complain and be upset about it.  They were a great team and it is hard to see them go, but this is a business.  I hate some of my bossí practices, but he is the boss and therefore, as long as he is not breaking the law, he is allowed to do whatever he pleases.  It may be morally wrong, but there is nothing to stop him.  The same is true for the WWE.  They are the only game in town, so why pay the Dudley Boys extra when they can save some money for the future when they may need it more. 

Say for instance, I was working for Pro Wrestling Insider and my column made them $10 million in advertising.  So, I walk up to them and asked for a $1 million salary.  Do you think I would get it?  Hellís No!!  Itís the way the world works and we all know it, so why should wrestling be any different.  Besides, look at it this way Ė when the WWE does do things like that, it creates opportunity for competition; hence the cycles in popularity. 

Why does it suck that Internet writers get upset at Tazz calling both HHH and Ric Flair the dirtiest players in the game?  Iíll tell you.  Ric Flair is nicknamed the dirtiest player in the game.  It is his nickname.  You writers and fans have been basically calling HHH the dirtiest player in the game for several years now in not so many words, so why get all bent out of shape about it when announcers agree?

Why does it suck that TNA will be going to Spike TV in October?  Because I have to wait two months to see it.  I do not watch web streams.  They annoy me.  So, I am anxiously awaiting the big move.  With the WWE signing a multi-year contract with USA and leaving Spike TV high and dry, TNA will not be an ECW, because Spike TV will get behind them and hopefully, they will teach the WWE a little lesson while they are at it. 

Wrestling has sucked as of late, but October is only so many days away and I couldnít be more excited.  Next week, I want you all to write the column for me.  Let me know how you would bring back the cruiserweight and womenís division.  Until then, be sure to check out the message board at http://gpopnetwork.proboards31.com/index.cgi where there is a spirited conversation going on about the battle between HBK and Hulk Hogan, the return of Bret Hart and much much more.  Have a voice of your own.  Get popped.  Sign up and give us your thoughts.  Well, thatís all the time I have.  Until HHH divorces Stephanie McMahon because heís just not happy with their relationship anymore, keep on reading.  Peace. 

For feedback, visit our message board or e-mail the author at feedback@g-pop.net.