Bloody Rampage & Hunger

by Melissa Minners

            The arts and entertainment world is a strange entity.  Have you ever wondered what goes through the minds of people when they declare certain things art?

             An artist gets frustrated because he canít find inspiration to paint a masterpiece.  The artist takes his paint-laden brush and flicks it at his canvas, spattering paint in all directions.  Hey, that was kinda cool, the artist thinks, and proceeds to do it with different colored paints.  The next day, he presents the paint-splattered canvas to an art dealer. 

           ďThis is my latest masterpiece!Ē he cries.           

            Said art dealer stares at the canvas for several minutes before replying, ďItísÖItísÖĒ     

            The artist leans in in anticipation. 


            Not wanting to insult the artist, or perhaps believing that from this man, the splatters before him MUST be art, the dealer cries, ďItís brilliant!  Simply brilliant!  And it says so much, using so little!Ē 

            Thus, a new art for has evolved.  Now, to me, this is just splotches of paint splattered on paper, but to the world at large, this is art that can easily draw hundreds of dollars on the market. 

            The same thing can be said about the music industry.  Does anyone remember that group LFO and their song about Abercrombie and Fitch?  Nothing in the lyrics made sense.  There was not one cohesive thought in the whole thing, yet people were toting LFO as the second coming.  They made thousands of dollars off of a song that made no sense.  Of course, this is nothing new.  Louie Louie made the top ten and, to this day, no one really knows what the lyrics are! 

            It always kills me when I get that perplexed look about something, whether it be a movie, television show, music, or art, and someone explains, ďThatís just modern art.Ē  Iím sorry, but just how do you say that about some things?  How do paint splotches become art?  How do drunken ramblings become lyrical genius?  What makes words carelessly thrown on a page without rhyme or reason poetry?  And more importantly, how do I get in on that action?!! 

            Iíll tell you how!  Iím going out right now and buying all the beef in my local supermarketís freezer.  Iím going to throw each slab of meat up against a canvas.  This work of art I create will be called Bloody Rampage.  It will be my artistic rendition of war.  Of course, all that raw meat is bound to attract the attention of the neighborhood cats, but Iíll be ready for that.  Iíll have my tape recorder right beside my canvas.  As soon as the cats start caterwauling for food, the recorder will roll.  Iíll sell it to some record label or self-produce it.  Itíll be called Hunger and will become a social outcry against famine.  Hey, if Yoko Ono can do it why canít I?  And all the flies that the meat and blood attracts?  Well, Iíll just grab a slab of meat, mount it on another canvas, flies and all, and that will be living art!  See, I have all the modern art bases covered. 



*Note: The painting featured above is "Scream" (also known as "The Cry") by Edvard Munch and I happen to like it.  I think it's a fine piece of art even though some people would beg to differ.  See what I mean?*


For feedback, visit our message board or e-mail the author at talonkarrde@g-pop-net.