Feature Article
Things To Do To Make People Think You're Crazy
by Ismael Manzano
Well, ladies and gentlemen, weblanders of all ages, I’m back here at G-pop with another completely senseless and mind-blowingly pointless rant about something that only my ‘special’ mind could conjure. Some of the things on this list I’ve done, some I’ve thought about doing, and some are just suggestions for those of you who idolize me so much—sorry, I couldn’t get through that sentence without laughing. So, without further ado, I present, for your amusement, “Things to Make People Think You’re Crazy.”
Have a fork fight with yourself and claim that the winning hand cheated and defiled your house’s honor.
Grab a highlighter from one of your friends and, in your best English accent, shout out, “Oh Highlighter, I beseech you!”…That one was the Mrs.’
Pretend to be frightened by electricity.
Spontaneously shout out “Wanted!” from Bon Jovi’s Dead or Alive song.
Claim to be building a secret army of bastard and/or inbred children to lead to world domination.
Try to convince as many people as you can that you actually parted the Red Sea and that Moses just had a better PR agent than you did.
Constantly, and consistently, tell your friend that you want him dead.
Dance without music.
Spend an entire day pretending to be either Murdock or Mr. T from the A-Team--choose whichever is least appropriate to your race.
When someone says something you don’t like, look them straight in the eyes and say, “We don’t like that.”
When your friends piss you off, politely remind them that you’re the star of this television show and they can be written off at any time.
Hold your head in pain until someone asks you wants wrong and then say, “My temple has no followers.”
Say aloud, everything that you do as you're doing it. During sex, do the same, but refer to yourself as BlueBerry.
For no discernible reason, blurt out that life was much better before they invented women.
Pick random times during the day to announce that reindeers aren't real.
In the middle of a crowded street bust out doing the “Time Warp” from The Rocky Horror Picture Show and see who joins in.
While at a restaurant, casually say “Trip the waiter,” as he walks by.
Argue with your friends that The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was actually a love story—it helps if you have good examples.
While watching television, suddenly scream, “Get those people out of that box!”
Walk through a hospital humming, “Another One Bites the Dust.” For added effect, do this on an ICU floor.
Laugh really loud every time someone says the word pumpkin.
Every time you kill a fly or roach, shout out, “Such is the fate of all who oppose my reign!”
When someone explains something to you, stare at them seriously and ask "What does that have to do with syrup?"
Try to convince everyone you know that you have an evil twin brother and blame him for every bad thing you do. Or…if you happen to have a twin brother, convince everyone that you’re the same person.
Jump up and down on a stranger’s couch and proclaim to the world that serious, psychological illness can be cured by taking Flintstone chewable vitamins…Oh wait, Tom Cruise already did that.
And finally, anytime you do something in the above mentioned list, claim that you’re doing it to aid in your sanity defense.
Related Article: Random Acts Archive
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