Nicole Kidman: Please Take Tom Cruise Back

by Ismael Manzano

     I am pleading—BEGGING—for Nicole Kidman to take Tom Cruise back.  Do whatever you have to do.  Beg, bribe, blackmail, but for God’s sake, do something!  I’m sick of him!  Sick of him jumping on couches; sick of him robbing Katie Holmes’ cradle; sick of him blasting new reporters; sick of him opening his mouth about other people’s choices in dealing with depression; sick of him preaching about Scientology; and sick to death of him using his power to get his way! 

     He was never this way when he was married to the beautiful, leggy Aussie.  Not so much as a peep or skip out of him back then.  I can only conclude that Nicole had Tom Cruise in check for years.  Now, without her stabilizing influence, Top Gun has lost his marbles, fallen victim to his Scientology’s sway or to his own private voices—I can’t say for sure, but something has definitely gotten to him lately.  And since all he seems to talk about is Scientology, I’d say it has something to do with that.  Of course, I could be wrong, but that’s what opinions and freedom of speech are for.

     What’s the latest fiasco?   What has me all in a huff about our favorite pint-sized actor?  Believe it or not, it’s South Park.  For those of you who haven’t heard, the South Park episode, ‘Trapped in The Closet,’ which purportedly made fun of fellow Scientologist, John Travolta and Mr. Cruise himself, was pulled from the air—and may never be aired again—after Mr. Cruise supposedly threatened to stop promoting his new film Mission Impossible 3 if Comedy Central dared to air it.  This comes on the heels of Isaac Hayes—also a Scientologist—resigning from the cast of South Park, citing that he did not want to be a part of a show that did not respect the religious beliefs of others.  Point:  have you seen South Park—ever?  That’s all they did!  I didn’t hear a peep out of Tom Cruise, Isaac Hayes, the Pope or any one else, when South Park aired an episode in which they depicted God as a flea-infested rat-thing.  But say something about Scientology and suddenly, it’s head for the hills!

     Okay first of all, let’s get something straight—and by straight, I mean, in my opinion.  Scientology is not a religion.  Religion is about spirituality, karma, afterlife, God, and all that lot.  What does Scientology teach?  Damned if I know!  But I’ve heard that they believe aliens—or something like that—seeded the planet with life and that we are descendents of these aliens.  I don’t know about you, but to me, that sounds like science fiction—which by the way, L. Ron Hubbard was, a science fiction writer—or maybe—at a stretch—it sounds like a scientific theory, but it certainly doesn’t sound like anything spiritual. 

     Now, I respect everyone’s opinions and their choice of beliefs, so if they want to worship God, aliens or a giant marshmallow toad, I really could not care less, so long as they’re not hurting anyone.  But when their pseudo-religion starts infringing on my ability to watch television shows, then we’ve got a problem.  So please, Ms. Kidman—beautiful, sweet, kind-hearted, Ms. Kidman, take Tom Cruise back!  Take him back!  Take him back!  TAKE HIM BACK!  Do your magic and keep his mouth shut! 

     Oh, and as a side note, in case this rant—which is protected under free speech—offends Mr. Cruise, I have this to say: go ahead and try to blackmail us by threatening not to promote Mission Impossible 3.  I don’t care.  MI2 sucked it big anyway.  I’m not going to see it anyway.  Hell, the last movie he did that I really liked was Legend, so I won’t cry if I don’t see him running around using his latest movie as an excuse to tote his religion and shove his views down other people’s throats.  And as for the rumors of him getting Katie Holmes’ sex scene pulled from her latest movie, I have this to say: Too late, sucker.  I have ‘The Gift’ on DVD, and I can pause those five seconds of exposure for as long as I want.  And so can anyone else who wants to see her naked. 

     To reiterate, TAKE HIM BACK! 


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