Asia Pulp Cinema Takes Vanity to the Extreme
Baptism of Blood and Big Boobs Buster
Produced by Central Park Media
Reviewed by Jon Minners
Looks are important to everyone and when people start feeling inadequate they do some of the craziest things. If someone looks better than them, they may get insulting. If their exís new significant other makes them look like chopped liver, they will do things like conveniently screw up that personís name in the presence of their ex. If a woman feels flat-chested next to a sea of big breasted women, they may don a wacky costume and go out attacking them in a quest to create a breast mold from their bosom. Or, if your daughter is hotter than you ever were, you may just want to cut her brain out and replace it with yours so you can have her body. These last two instances are more common that one could imagine and the subject of two touching mature audiences only after school specials by Central Park Media and its live action subdivision Asia Pulp Cinema.
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Baptism of Blood is a horror film that takes a look at a very dysfunctional mother-daughter relationship built on jealousy and vanity. Disfigured and half-mad, Matsuko Uehara, played by Risa Akikawa, rules over her daughter, Sakura, played by Rie Imamura, with an iron fist in a crumbling mansion that is their home. Matsuko used to be a starlet who had everything; the looks, the fame, the money and her health, but a debilitating disease disfigures her face and causes her to need a cane to walk. No longer able to conceal her problem, Matsuko turns to a mad scientist for help and hatches a bizarre plan to regain her former glory and it involves having an offspring.
Many years later, Matsukoís plan seems to be in full swing. Her daughter Sakura is beautiful, much like her mother once was. While waiting for the right time to execute her plan, Matsuko allows an unknowing Sakura to do the things most girls do, such as go to school, but also provides her with opportunities to learn how to play piano from someone Matsuko finds attractive. Matsuko wants Masahiko Tanigawa, played by Chihiro Tago, and senses the attraction the teacher has towards her daughter. She plans to use that attraction to her advantage, because like every well-intentioned mother, she plans on taking her daughterís body via brain transplant. But Sakura must stay in perfect form and even the smallest scratch angers her mother who attacks one of Sakuraís classmates after a little rough housing leaves a tiny scratch on Sakuraís head. This is when Sakura starts realizing something is wrong with her mom. She soon discovers exactly what we already knew when she walks in on her motherís evil scheme, forcing Matsuko to hatch her plan earlier than anticipated.
Thatís when things start getting weird. Sakura must escape her motherís clutches, but will their strange connection find them in each otherís arms or at each otherís throats? Will Matsuko get her way? Will the operation be a success? What about this subplot that comes out of nowhere involving Tanigawa and his wifeís evil plan to take over the Uehara estate and all the money that comes with it? Will Tanigawa use his attraction to Sakura to his advantage? And what of this strange cop that seems to come out of nowhere asking a lot of intruding questions? All these questions are answered, but viewers are left with even more questions.
The original storyline has been used before, but not in some time and seemed to be taking on a fresh twist, but then it all went downhill with the introduction of a strange psychic-like link between mother and daughter, a drug addiction that seems to have come out of nowhere and a mental meltdown from an unlikely character. So, while the movie looks nice and the storyline moves fast and is quite interesting in the beginning, Baptism of Blood takes a drastic turn toward the extra odd and complex, leaving the viewer slightly confused and let down in the end. Blood, gore and nudity help the film in the early going, but the second half of the film just seemed so contrived and forced, as if the director was trying to shock the audience. I was not shocked at all; just disappointed. Baptism of Blood could have been so much more. However, a lesson can be learned. Transplanting a brain is not necessarily a good thing and could have some strange side effects. Donít do it.
What you can do is check out Big Boobs Buster. This is a great movie, not because it is poignant or because of an Academy Award worthy plot. Itís not even because of the actors, although some are quite cute and funny in their roles. Even the picture is sort of grainy, as it was shot on video and transferred to DVD. Big Boobs Buster is one of the funniest movies I ever saw and it becomes a classic just because of the absurdity of it all.
First, I must point out that there are two different versions of this film. You cannot watch the Japanese version thinking the American version is the same and vice versa. While the Japanese version is funny in its own right, the American version is actually my favorite, as it seems to add a Mystery Science Theater 3000 or MXC type parody to the mix. The Japanese version never takes itself too seriously, but the American version adds even more off-the-wall dialogue into the mix, making even the hardest of people crack a smile.
The movie follows Masako, played by Harumi Kai, who works up the courage to ask out Brando, played by Masakazu Arai and when she finally tells him she loves him and wants him to be her boyfriend, his response is, ďNo thanks.Ē Asking why, she discovers she has a lot of great qualities he admires, except one; he canít stand flat-chested chicks. She passes out and in the American version you hear the most insulting dialogue ever; ďIt would be like having sex with my 12-year-old brother.Ē Devastated and embarrassed, Masako steals a list of women with big boobs at the school, because every school has one and hatches a plan to stop them from seducing men with their goodies.
Donning the most ridiculous outfit that actually makes the actress look hotter, Masako attacks girls with large racks and forcibly takes a breast mold from them, threatening to parade the mold of their breasts in public if they continue to seduce men with their well-endowed bodies. The American version includes one scene where a young girl thinks out loud about which path to choose, the well lit road or the sleazy park; choosing the park where she ends up attacked by the Big Boobs Buster. Also, in one fight, Masako fights a girl with a metal bra and almost loses until she happens to come across a battery charger of some kind in the park (they are always just laying around) and electrocutes her. You have to laugh.
The movie takes a different turn when one of the victims plays dirty and seduces Masako, eventually forcing her to take her place on the track team against a big breasted rival. The movie suddenly turns into Rocky with Masako training and being stretched to the limit, as she prepares for the big race. Who will win by a nipple? The ending will not be revealed, but viewers can be assured that Big Boobs Buster learns a very valuable lesson about women with big breasts making for a happy and slightly odd ending. I learned a lesson, too. Women with big boobs are people, too.
Big Boobs Buster is a breath of fresh air in a world of tired remakes, rehashes and sequels. Many may claim it to be porn, but there is more in the way of sexual situations than there is nudity. This is no Basic Instinct. This is just a funny movie that goes a little over the top and makes fun of itself. Some of the crazy dialogue is spoken so naturally that it makes it even more shocking and funny to hear. It is by no means a masterpiece, but Big Boobs Buster is uniquely outrageous and hysterically funny. Both versions of Big Boobs Buster are definitely worth a peek.