Child's Play:

2010 - A New Year's Revolution

By Justine Manzano

            So, I ended the year 2009 with a bang. You see, in the month of December I found out that the entire firm that I work for was moving by the end of the year which led to a ridiculous amount of overtime during a three week period throughout which both my husband and son were sick. I had to face a lot of stress, mentally and physically, as I was at work very late, doing physical labor with an injured back and not sleeping much at all because my newborn son was sick and my husband, while vowing to do it all, couldn’t do it ALL. This sleep deprived, pain and exhaustion filled month taught me a lot. I feel like I took a few steps backwards in my brain and that bothered me – almost as much as the few new facts I learned. So, 2010 – things are going to change and here’s how. Be ready – this one is a very personal journey into the depths of my brain. Another deep one…

1) I Need to Stop Complaining, Stop Being Lazy and MOVE – Have you ever listened to yourself talk and say any of the following things in your head – “What the hell am I talking about?” “Why am I still talking?” “Does the person I am speaking to even care about what I’m saying?” or “If I would stop talking about this, I could get to work?” Well, then you are me. It’s a flaw and I admit it. There is something about me that needs to purge my system when I’m upset about something before I can do anything about it. At the end of the day, I take care of whatever I’m complaining about, but not before completely flipping out about it. This must be a system of having gone to therapy for my anger management issues and probably keeps me from breaking walls, computer screens and some people’s faces, but still, I will have to find another way around it. And here’s why.

Sometimes, when I run off at the mouth because I’m upset, I say things out of frustration that I don’t really mean and should have taken a second thought about. Sometimes, I end up embarrassing myself because of that. Sometimes, I spout off to whoever is free to listen to me and this leads me to talk to people who do not always have my best interest at heart…see item 2….Sometimes this whole process is counterproductive and SOMETIMES, people just get sick and tired of hearing me – which I actually get sick to death of too. I just get tired of talking about things that bother me and I can’t stop. This has always been a flaw of mine and I have decided it is time for this to end.

Not to go all preachy on my readers, but I teach the kids in Sunday School to only speak when they have something important or caring to say, or else you are bound to say something that never should have left your lips – I need to start following my own advice. It’s all sweetness and light for me from here on out – unless I’m speaking to someone who actually can take my rambling, return it, and be trusted with it. Those people are few and far between and you all know who you are. And you are the only people worthy of hearing it.

2) I Need to Stop Caring What Other People Think and Start Paying Attention to Who My Real Friends Are – Again, another long term problem for me that needs to stop. There are people in my life that I must deal with but that I hate with a burning passion that can not be avoided or denied. Since I can not purge them from my life, I need to deal with them instead. And yet, when they say something negative about me or to me, I get upset! Offended! Why wouldn’t these people like me? I have never done anything to them. The funny thing is, these people are not really my type of people. And yet despite the fact that I can’t stand who these people are, it actually bothers me that they don’t like me! How is this possible?!

The truth is, this shouldn’t happen. I think about it and the truth of the matter is that I LOVE ME. I have a lot of fun with me. We have a great time together and I enjoy time spent with me. So do a lot of other people. I may be weird and awkward and more than a little loopy, but there are plenty of people who go with it. So, why oh why, would it not be enough for these people who I actually like to like me and for the rest to go continue to live in their little not liking me bubble? Well, it should be. So move on, folks who don’t like me. Not everyone NEEDS to like me…and I don’t got no time for those who don’t (that was a little grammar-spasm for you readers out there…). It’s a brand new day.

3) I Need to Take Better Care of Myself – I don’t eat right. I don’t exercise. I don’t sleep enough (although that was destined to happen with a baby in the house – but I never did). I pile too many things on myself and don’t take the time to have fun. I drag myself to work when I feel like I might die there. I don’t go to the doctor when I should. There are things my body does, I can’t figure out why and I self-diagnose. I don’t take my vitamins. These are all things that I need to take care of. After all, I’ve got a baby to worry about now, and I need to set an example for him. If I don’t take my vitamins, how am I ever going to get him to do it?

4) I Need to Be a Person I Can Be Proud of Again – What does a person I can be proud of look like? She doesn’t complain. She is strong, she speaks up for herself and she doesn’t cry every time someone says something bad about her. She stays healthy. Not THIN but HEALTHY. She takes care of her husband and her son the best way she knows how. She is wise. She takes chances. She finishes what she starts. She has many facets.

She is me – or at least, she is who I hope to be by the time I’m writing my 2011 New Year’s Blog. I know it’s a little late, but Happy New Year’s everyone.

All my love,

A Brave New Girl…

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