Movie

The Crow: Wicked Prayer

 Distributed By: Dimension Home Video

Reviewed by Justine Manzano

   

       There are times when you go to the theater and you wonder how a movie ever made it to the big screen.  As a whole, that is a bad enough question to have to ask yourself after paying for tickets to a movie.  But that’s nothing.  The real kick to a movie watchers pride is when they watch a straight-to-DVD movie and wonder how it is that it ever got made at all.  You know it isn't going to be great, but you expect a certain level of decency for a movie that people wasted their time on.  Why did anyone put money into this?  This is the question that assaulted my brain after watching The Crow: Wicked Prayer

       I checked this movie out for one reason and one reason only.  David Boreanaz, the star of the television series Angel, which I am a rabid fan of, played the villain of the piece.  That was all I needed to hear and I had already popped the DVD into my player and had plopped down on my couch to enjoy the movie.  Its at times like this that I wish I had a DVD player that magically spat the crap right back out.

       The Crow: Wicked Prayer takes place in a mining town that has been bought out by Native Americans who wish to build a casino there.  The loss of jobs due to this and the violence in the town give birth to Boreanaz’s character, Luc Crash, his girlfriend Lola, and the group that follows them.  Together, they are known as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.  Luc decides that he wants to become the devil incarnate and the group agrees.  They find a way to do it and in order to do one of the rituals needed, they must kill one of their old friends, a not-so-good-but-better-than-Luc-wrong-side-of-the-tracks kid named Jimmy Cuervo (isn’t that the name of an alcoholic beverage?) played by Edward Furlong.  They also must kill Jimmy’s girlfriend, Lily.  Naturally, when all is said and done, Jimmy returns as the Crow, and prepares to take vengeance upon those that destroyed his life.

    Ahhhh, finally, they’ve answered my prayers for a female Crow!  I always thought that would be a great storyline.  But, wait!  That’s not a female Crow-that’s Edward Furlong of Terminator 2 fame.  He’s a man now, although you’d never know it by the way he looks in The Crow make-up.  Now, we know where he disappeared to since T2!  He was off forgetting how to act and inheriting whatever disorder made him completely unable to hold his head up straight for the entire movie! 

    But, unfortunately, it gets worse.  Tara Reid is in this movie, and she seems to suck the acting ability out of every scene and every co-star she works with.  David Boreanaz is as deliciously evil as he always is when he plays one of the bad guys, but when he is actually possessed by Lucifer the whole thing gets a little overdone, and he starts spouting dialogue that actually made me sad for him, despite the fact that he made more in the couple of months it took to film the movie than I make in a year.  As bad as any of that is, nothing beats the short, but searingly painful appearance made by Dennis Hopper as a ghetto talking pimp (if you can believe that) El Nino who uses phrases like “bad assitude” and calls Lucifer the “Original G”.  Terrible, doesn’t even begin to describe it.

    All in all, the movie had promising camera work and editing, but with the bad wire work, bad writing and absolutely terrible dialogue, nothing could save this movie from being a disaster.  Suffice it to say, any Crow movie with a line like, “Quoth the raven, `Nevermore’, bitch!” should have been put out of it’s misery long ago.  It’s a shame. 

 

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