Dear Santa, Love Chloe
by Chloe Minners
I wonder if you can help me. My humans mean well, but sometimes they give me things for Christmas that I never wanted or could never use. I never tell them, “Just what I never wanted.” I always act kind of appreciative, head butting whatever ridiculous item it is and then quietly walk away. But, eventually, the thingy usually ends up being donated to some poor, unfortunate homeless kitty or doggy – yes, sometimes they actually even buy me dog toys. I’m a cat!
Since it is pretty clear that they need help in the Christmas present buying department where I am concerned, I figured I would send you a letter and maybe you could ask one of your Helpers to drop them a hint or two about what I might like for Christmas. Here’s a list:
Catnip – mainly of the Kong variety as I find this to be the most enjoyable. Hopefully it comes attached to a toy. I already have a catnip Kong duck, frog, Santa hat-wearing seal, Santa hat-wearing ape, lamb, squirrel (my favorite) and a rat. But one could never have too many of these things, so if the humans can’t find a different variety Kong catnip toy, I will be happy to accept a duplicate.
Fancy Feast – any variety of can will do, but I prefer the pâté. The chunky version is okay, but the sliced version tends to get caught in my throat when I eat fast and makes me throw up. Hey, some of the flavors are really tasty and you just can’t help scarfing them down – don’t judge.
Cardboard Box – 15 paws by 13 paws or larger. I’ve grown some over the years, so regular shoe boxes don’t work anymore. Better make it only two paws high, though – I overheard the human complaining about my toys cluttering things up in the house and I don’t want to get anything she might trip over. She barely picks up her feet when she walks, but I think she can get them up about two paws high.
Kong Snakes – I have two already, but I simply love them, especially the red and black variety. I pick them up and carry them anywhere I am planning to take a nap.
Catnip Coal – The humans thought this would be a funny joke to play on me last Christmas, but, truth be told, I love those little black catnip coals and enjoy chasing them all over the house.
Multi-Colored Pipe Cleaners – I don’t know why they are called pipe cleaners. I only know that my human uses them to make me really cool spiral, springy type toys.
Did I mention catnip?
Or maybe a gift card to PetSmart or Petco – I can use my human’s computer to purrchase what I really like online and save them all the struggle trying to find something they think I might like.
Thanks, Santa, I really appreciate all the help.