Dime Store Philosophy:
Please Allow Me to Introduce Myself
By Ismael Manzano
Alright everyone out there the blogverse, it is I. You don’t know me–or may not know me–but that doesn’t matter, because I know you. You’re an eager-to-learn, knowledge-hungry, bored individual, seeking the latest in the greatest of band wagons upon which to jump. Well, congratulations, I am that wagon. Hitch away. Well, let’s start with the basics–I’m going to tell you all salivating, thirsty throngs about myself and why I’ve decided to write this blog.
My name is Ismael, as you’ve probably derived from the URL and I’m here on a mission. That mission, you ask–or maybe you don’t, but guess what, I don’t care if you asked or not...you should have asked–is to reacquaint myself with that part of me that has long since atrophied due to lack of use. No! Not that part of me, you perverts! I mean the creative part of me. See, a long time ago, in another life, I considered myself to be a writer, a good one–hell, a great one–but times change, and life drags you down only to pile a whole heaping load of toxic sludge onto your already decaying corpse (yay, metaphors, bay-bee). In short, I got lazy and stopped writing. So I figured I’d try my hand at a little blogging, just to keep my fingers typing, my hamster-wheel of a brain rolling and maybe, just maybe, one day, I’ll be re-energized, well practiced and ready to try my hand at this old trade of mine.
Also I wish to share my thoughts, ideas, wishes, wants, desires, and goals with the public at large. Not because I believe that any of you should care, but because I’m attempting to branch out of my comfort zone. Yes, I’m aware that I’m starting small–infinitesimally small–by posting in a blog rather than, say walking outside and introducing myself to someone who already doesn’t know my name, but–hey–life’s full of baby steps and this is mine, so bear with me.
So lets start with a brief introduction to the wonderful mass of neurons and straw that constitutes my mind, and in turn, constitutes all that I am. Well I’m a new father, in my thirties with a wonderful wife and a job about which I couldn’t give a hairy ball of Simeon feces. I’ve always had aspirations toward writing, though I show little aptitude toward spelling or grammar most of the time; spell/grammar check saves my life. In fact, I plan to write one blog in the near future about that very subject and in said blog I will turn off both electronic crutches and see how many mistakes are made. Just for a laugh. That’s the short and curly about me for now–anything else I think about will be used as fodder for future blogs.
Oh, just thought of this. I have a habit of veering off into completely unrelated tangents. Speaking of pet peeves...I hate it when people say ‘we’ when they really mean ‘YOU.’ Example: Boss “Maybe ‘we’ can take care of this mess before lunch?” TRANSLATION: “ Hey day-laborer number five, come do this task that God has deemed far beneath me to even attempt to do myself. I’ll say ‘we’ because I know you’re IQ is less than sawdust and won’t realize that I’m not actually going to help you–or even be in the same room as you–until the job is already done, at which time, ‘we’ can go back to whatever highway, ‘we’ crawled under so that ‘I’ can take all credit for ‘our’ work.” This kind of arrogance just annoys the Holy Hell out of me. And I’m not alone. 97 percent of all Ismael's in this and other known universes agree that such blatant and misleading use of pronouns is both disrespectful and should be punishable by death. (Disclaimer: Ismael’s polls are not generally real and have a margin of error of 100%).
Anyway, this blog is called Dime Store Philosophy, in short, because that’s what I intend to provide: advice, observations and opinions–none of which you asked to hear–delivered with what I consider to be my own personal flare. I consider myself to be somewhat of an amateur psychologist. The difference between that and a professional psychologist is similar to that between an amateur wrestler and a professional wrestler: one looks flashier and gets more money, the other keeps you poor, exhausted and smelling like jockstraps (I’ll leave it to you to decide which one is which). As you can probably guess, sometimes I might veer off the Dime Store Philosophy track and just ramble on about something deeply personal or otherwise unimportant to anyone other than myself, but I hope that when those times comes, my sheer genius will find a way to hide a few nuggets of wisdom in it for you all to enjoy. I plan for this blog to be updated weekly, however, if something really interesting or juicy gets my attention I’ll post earlier. But most likely there won’t be more than one blog per week.
Well that’s it in a nutshell. I’ve given you a taste of myself –yuck–and of things to come. I think I’ve given enough to whet the appetite or turn you off to this blog completely. Hopefully the former. Guess there’s little left to do now but come up with a sign off phrase, a signature that I can say at the end of all my blogs to give them a personal touch. How about, “That’s all folks.” Nope. I think that’s been tried by someone before. How about: “Wakka Wakka Bing Ba!” Nope. Those aren’t even real words. Got it.
I’m a genius, and you can be too.