From the Desk of Natasia:

Why I Hate Halloween

by Natasia Minners

            I donít understand the big deal about Halloween.  Sure, I like watching the leaves rustle around in the wind and there seem to be a whole lot of them at that time of the month.  I love chasing them aroundÖwell, I pretend to chase them around, running back and forth in front of the window.  But it seems like there is a whole lot of human activity on that last day of October and I find it to be quite annoying.

            It was bad enough when I was younger.  All I knew of Halloween was that some annoying person kept ringing the bell over and over.  Obviously, no one was coming to the door, so why keep ringing the bell? 

            Then, as years went on, I started noticing my human coming home with bags of interesting smelling stuff trapped inside wonderfully crinkly wrappers.  I wanted to free this interesting smelling stuff and perhaps taste it, but my human said that cats donít eat candy.  How would she know?  I asked my brother, Rascal, if that was true and he said, ďHow would she know?  She never offered me a bite!Ē  So I decided to keep annoying her until she gave me some.  Did I ever tell you how amazingly stubborn humans can be?

            On that last day in October, my human would sit outside and give out those things to monsters and Disney characters and all sorts of weird looking creatures, but she would never give us any.  The nerve!  And I could tell that all those weird looking creatures were happy - they made tons of noise during my prime sleeping hours!

            Then, one year, some time after my brother passed away, my human came home with this huge, round orange thing.  ďHereís your pumpkin,Ē she announced and proceeded to place said huge, round orange thing on the floor in front of me with a thud.  Mine, huh? I thought as I circled it.  I sniffed it, but it didnít smell like anything special.  It was round, but it was too big to roll, so I just walked away.  My human seemed to think I liked this stupid round thing that didnít seem to have much of a purpose but taking up space and now she comes home with one every year.  Did I ever tell you how stupid humans can be?

            I think maybe Rascal passing away did something to my humanís faculties.  One Halloween she comes home with a small bag and announces that she has bought me a present.  I smelled the bag, but I didnít smell anything that I might enjoy - no yummy morsels or catnip toys.  So, I hopped on the couch and prepared for a nap.  Thatís when the human did a very stupid thing - she pulls this thing out of the bag and proceeds to place it on my head. 

            I sit there for a second thinking maybe she would see the error of her ways, but no, she and her friend are laughing and someone pulls out a camera.  I try shaking my head to remove this silly thing, but it wonít come off and my human is laughing about me being something called a giraffe.  I donít know what a giraffe is, but I was certain that I wanted nothing to do with it.  And then the humans do the stupidest thing of all - they start taking pictures!  

            Now, donít get me wrong, I can take a joke as well as any catÖwell, I can take a cat joke as well as any cat.  Human jokes are just beyond my understanding and this was downright humiliating!  I ran out of the room, got that giraffe thing off my head and refused to wear it again.  So, of course, the humans wait until Iím sleeping and then put it on my head and laugh.  Iíll get them back someday!

            Now you understand why I simply hate Halloween.  Interesting smelling items stuffed in colorful, noisy wrappers that I am not allowed to have.  This big, orange, useless thing taking up my space.  The humans idea of a joke with that giraffe thingy.  And now, the humans refuse to sit outside, so every time a kitty tries to get a little sleep, the doorbell rings and a bunch of monsters stand at the door holding out their hands and squealing with delight while the humans pay them attention that they should be lavishing upon me!  If you ask me, Iíd say that Halloween was thought up by some hyperactive canine with an evil plot to take over the world by keeping all us felines on edge by depriving us sleep time!

            Stop by next month and we can discuss my love/hate relationship with Thanksgiving.



To read more feline prose, check out the following links:

Rascal Sees A Therapist

Rascal Sees A Therapist - Part 2

Natasia Sees A Therapist

Natasia Sees A Therapist - Part 2

Natasia Sees A Therapist - Part 3

Natasia's Note to Grandma

Natasia's Cat Toy Review

For feedback, visit our message board or e-mail the author at natasia@g-pop-net.