From the Desk of Natasia:
My Summer Vacation
by Natasia Minners
Ah, Summertime - I love this time of the year. Outside it’s hot and inside it’s cool. If I’m too cold, I can bask in the heat of the sun shining through the window. If I’m too hot, I can always find a cool spot to lay across on the floor, or, if the human isn’t watching, I can lie across a countertop or table.
Summertime is also usually the time of year when I can really have some me time. My human usually picks out a week to go away, sometimes to the beach or on a plane to someone’s house far away. I can always count on a week to myself during which I can catch up with relatives who come to visit, refilling the food and water bowls and cleaning out my toilet (what the human likes to call my litter box).
Though thankfully infrequent, these visits are tolerable and even can be enjoyable because, for some reason, these folks “feel sorry” for me and decide that I need extra back or chin rubs, kitty massages and treats. They don’t even tell the human about my transgressions, like finding a hairball in the bed, a trinket knocked over, paw prints on tables and shelves or cat litter on the countertops. Relatives are cool humans as long as they don’t overstay their welcome or bring around any tiny humans who want to grab my whiskers or pull my tail.
But the best thing about Summertime is that I get one week of freedom from the prying eyes of my human. That week of me time when I can have a few friends over, lay around wherever I want, cool off in the tub or the sink, party it up (hence the hairball in the bed) and generally do all the things that the human prevents me from doing whenever she’s around. I look forward to this week all year long, waiting for that exact moment when the human looks at me with those sad eyes and says, “I’ll be home soon.” I usually wait until she’s a decent distance away and then it’s party city!
This year I was planning an extra special vacation. I was going to throw a slamming catnip party and invite over some of the new kitties on the block. I had been planning this thing for weeks when my human tells me the bad news. She’s going to be doing something called a “stay-cation” this year. Apparently, this means that the human will be home most of the time, taking day trips here and there and as a whole, making my life miserable.
And how does she cap off this wonderful news she has just delivered unto me you may ask - by taking me to the vet for my semi-annual check-up! I didn’t even get to see my usual doctor. Instead I got some new guy who made me extremely uncomfortable. You could tell that he had never been owned by a cat and didn’t know the first thing about how to treat the feline species. Where was my favorite doctor (if you have to like a doctor, she’s the one) that greets me with a resounding, “Hi, Natasia!” followed by numerous compliments about the way I keep my coat, my figure, etc.? Where was the kitty massage and manicure?
I didn’t like this guy and kept trying to hide up my human’s sleeve so he couldn’t see me, but for some reason it wasn’t working. Worse yet, this new doctor has the nerve to stick something sharp in me, saying that I was due for it. That was one large needle, let me tell you, and it hurt something awful! Well, you better believe that I let my human have it on the ride home. In fact, I complained from the moment we got in the car until we pulled up at the house. I gave her what for and, feeling bad for me, she gave me a can of Fancy Feast to snack on. All was well again and I completely forgot that she was about to begin a stay-cation.
Every day, I waited for my human to leave, thinking she had just been teasing me or something and that she was really going to get on a plane and visit some friend far away. Every day, the human would go outside and I would get ready to party, only to find her returning a couple of hours later. One time, she went out for a really long time and didn’t even return until the afternoon of the following day. Unfortunately, this did me no good as I had no time to plan and it’s kind of hard to throw an impromptu party with neighborhood kitties. After all, these cats don’t stay still for too long a time - they’re party cats and their calendars are usually booked in advance.
And what does she do to cap things off? She takes me to see another vet for some annual x-ray thing! Is she really that bent on torturing me and destroying my summer?! Well, at least I got to see some friends there - nice docs and techs who know how to treat an individual of the feline persuasion.
What is the moral of this story, you ask? If your human tells you that they won’t be going on a summer vacation this year, take a page from the good old Natasia handbook. Next year, I won’t worry about having to go through the kind of torturous hell my human put me through this summer. I have already booked a summer vacation of my own at a luxurious cat spa where they offer lots of petting and playtime, manicures, haircuts, brushings, spacious living quarters and suites with views, squirrel and bird watching, private dining and baths, a chauffer service, an exercise program, recreational activities and more. It will be an all-expense paid vacation…all expenses paid by the human, that is!
To read more feline prose, check out the following links:
Rascal Sees A Therapist
Rascal Sees A Therapist - Part 2
Natasia Sees A Therapist
Natasia Sees A Therapist - Part 2
Natasia Sees A Therapist - Part 3
Natasia's Note to Grandma
Natasia's Cat Toy Review
Why I Hate Halloween
My Love-Hate Relationship With Thanksgiving
Deck the Halls with Catnip Presents!
Ringing in the New Year with Catnip and Fancy Feast
Thoughts of Spring
Feed Me (Fancy Feast)