From the Desk of Natasia:
My Love-Hate Relationship With Thanksgiving
by Natasia Minners
First, I would like to thank the creators of G-POP for their wisdom in offering me a writing staff position. Second, I would like to say - What the hell took you so long?! Anyway…I have already discussed how much I hate Halloween. Now, I would like to discuss my mixed emotions concerning Thanksgiving.
When I was just a kitten, my brother Rascal told me stories about a day when my human had big parties featuring tons of very tasty food. The pièce de résistance was something called turkey. Rascal’s first brush with turkey was when he found this huge bird just sitting in the kitchen sink and decided to investigate. He said that the human was very unhappy when she came home to find a head-sized chunk (cat head sized anyway) of meat missing from the marvelously tasty bird that the human called turkey. Rascal said the punishment was definitely worth the crime.
For years I waited for the human to throw a party featuring this yummy bird, but Rascal said that the human must have gotten cheap in her old age, because she hadn’t had a turkey in the house for quite some time.
And then, one day, something amazing happened. The human, now living with her brother, decided that she would invite her friend over. I knew there was something special planned because they came home with a bunch of bags packed full of stuff I had never smelled before. They spent a lot of time in the kitchen and the house started getting hot.
Then, Rascal started to get excited. He ran into the kitchen yelling, “I know that smell!! I know that smell!!” Running right up to the open stove and ignoring the heat, he pushed his head into it as far as he could so he could get a close-up of what was inside. Then, he called me over and it was love at first smell.
Soon, a bunch of humans related to my human showed up and the turkey was cut up while other yummy smelling treats were laid out. Rascal told me that I had to sit near the human and look as cute as possible to get some of that yummy turkey. I scoffed at him, but he said it would be worth it. And boy was it ever!
Later that night, when we thought the humans would be too stuffed to notice, we plotted to knock over the table containing the turkey and claim the prize for ourselves. Unfortunately our plan was foiled by our human who noticed us nose-to-nose and declared that we were up to something. Thus, the food was put away that night, but it reappeared quite often for the next couple of days and each time it reappeared, Rascal and I were allowed to have some.
Since then, my human has this turkey get together every year and I suppose I should be happy, but I have a few misgivings about this turkey celebration. First, the house gets really hot when this bird is cooking. Second, I keep getting chased out of my own kitchen. Hello! My food is in there, stupid human! Third, they keep inviting more people without consulting me. I don’t like a lot of humans around, laughing and talking all at once. I find this very annoying! Besides, the more humans you invite, the less turkey left for me! And finally, turkey makes me very sleepy and when I get sleepy, the human does stupid things like dressing me up in costumes and taking blackmail photos. (Some day I’ll have my revenge!)
So, there you have it - my love hate relationship with Turkey Day…er…Thanksgiving. But I suppose that I have more to be thankful about the day than I do to complain about it…Hey, maybe that’s why they call it Thanksgiving. Hmmm…let’s think of all the things I’m thankful for on that day. First, my human lets me stay in the house even though she is cooking yummy turkey…wait a minute, this is my house! Okay, scratch that...let’s make it this - I have a human who likes to cook turkey. Yeah, that’s better. Second, I get to partake in that yummy goodness…wait a minute - I had better partake in that yummy goodness! This is my house that your cooking in! Third, the human has lots of places where I can hide after eating the turkey so she can’t take too many blackmail photos while I sleep it off. Lastly and most importantly, sometimes, the human cooks turkey more than once a year!
Next time, we’ll discuss my feelings about Christmas and all the joy it brings…especially to me!
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