Natasia Sees A Therapist
by Melissa Minners
Therapist: Good afternoon, Natasia. Please have a seat. What brings you to my office today?
Natasia: Mreow, my brother, Rascal, used to come here a lot...especially after he was caught with that sack of catnip. He said you helped him get through C.A.A.
Therapist: Ah, yes, Catnip Addictions Anonymous…I see. And are you having a catnip problem?
Natasia: Meh. I like the stuff, but I wouldn’t say that I have a problem. Actually, I have been having some companionship issues.
Therapist: Really? Please continue.
Natasia: Mreow, this all started when Rascal was kidnapped.
Natasia: Mreh! One day, Mommy scooped him up, put him in that carrier / prison thingy and left. He never came back. Bad things happen whenever that cage comes out of storage! My mommy puts me in that thing every time I have to go to the doctor…but I always come back after. When Rascal didn’t come back home, I just figured that the catnip addiction had finally caught up with him. Maybe he stiffed his dealer…or maybe he was sent to Al-Kat-Raz.
Therapist: Alcatraz Prison isn’t in use anymore.
Natasia: Mreow, maybe Sing-Sing…but I doubt it…he didn’t have such a great voice. Anyways, when he left, I was lonely.
Natasia: Mreow, I looked all over the house for him…called for him…checked under the beds and behind the furniture…I guess I was kinda loud. My mommy put me in that prison transport thing and brought me to the doctor. Silly woman!!
Therapist: I’m sure that she was only looking out for your welfare.
Natasia: Hiss!!!! Sure! Take her side!!
Therapist: Now, now. Don’t have a hissy fit. Finish your story.
Natasia: Mreow, I waited for years for Rascal to return…two long, lonely years. Finally, I decided it was time to move on.
Therapist: I thought Rascal was your brother.
Natasia: Hiss!!! Are you judging me!!
Therapist: What?! No! I would never…
Natasia: Listen, sister, I didn’t come here to talk about my past love life! I came here to talk about the present situation!
Therapist: I’m sorry…please, continue.
Natasia: As I was saying, I decided it was time to move on and soon enough, I met someone…but Mommy doesn’t approve.
Therapist: Why not?
Natasia: Mreow don’t know! He’s handsome, with a dark complexion, soulful eyes, a soft touch – a strong, sensitive silent time that likes to snuggle. His name is even adorrrable – Nuzzle. Look, here’s a picture of him.
Therapist: Ah. I see.
Natasia: We started sneaking around after the first time Mommy said something. I would usually wait until Mom was asleep, then sneak over to his place. But the other night, I decided to bring him to mine – that’s when I got caught.
Therapist: You do realize that Nuzzle is a dog?
Natasia: Hiss!!! Here we go again! Look, our love is pure and stretches across all boundries.
Therapist: A stuffed dog.
Natasia: Listen lady, my chocolate brown lab of my life is everything to me!!
Therapist: Well, then, why are you here?
Natasia: Mreow, our last time together, I didn’t use protection. Do you think I could be pregnant?