Natasia Sees A Therapist - Part 3
by Melissa Minners
Therapist: Ah, Natasia! It’s been so long since we last talked. Please, have a seat.
Natasia: Mreow?! What was that?
Therapist: Probably the couch. I’ve noticed you’ve put on some weight since your last visit.
Natasia: Mreh, that’s what I’m here to talk to you about. You see, that evil woman put me in the cage again and carted me off to the vet.
Therapist: I see.
Natasia: The new vet said that I had some kinda medical issue and had to go to another vet for tests.
Therapist: Uh oh…back in the…
Natasia: That’s right – back in the cage again and again and again!! Mreow, I understand that I have to go in the thing once a year, but this was ridiculous.
Therapist: How many times did you have to go back in the cage?
Natasia: That’s mreow-relevant! Just the fact that I had to get in that thing more than once is enough!
Therapist: Oh, I’m sorry.
Natasia: And that’s not the worst part! She left me there overnight!
Therapist: I see.
Natasia: That evil woman left me there thinking she would never come back to get me! I was terrified – surrounded by other strange cats and evil dogs! It was terrifying!
Therapist: Didn’t your boyfriend, Nuzzle, come to visit you? <snicker>
Natasia: Mreow, things have changed on the Nuzzle front.
Natasia: Mreh, we still meet every now and again, but he’s been jealous of my attentiveness to my new friend.
Therapist: New friend?
Natasia: Mreh, I met him on my birthday. He’s a teddy bear and he smells just like my favorite treat.
Therapist: Are you dipping into the catnip again?
Natasia: Hiss! You’re not gonna start on me about that again are you?! Besides, the reason I came to see you has to do with an entirely different drug.
Therapist: I’m afraid I don’t understand.
Natasia: Mreow, ever since that experience at the vet, I’ve been forced to take a new drug and it’s having a strange effect on me.
Therapist: Go on.
Natasia: Mreow, I’ve been hungry all the time. I tell you, I can’t stop eating. I’ll eat anything, even foods I never liked before. Like hot dogs…I had never had them before I started taking this new medicine. Hot dogs…they’re fun…they roll around…and they’re tasty…
Therapist: Um, let’s get back on track.
Natasia: Mreh, the thing is…I’m not sure exactly how mother is feeding this stuff to me. Usually, she tries to give me medicine and I spit it back at her.
Therapist: That’s rude.
Natasia: Mreh, it’s a ritual we both enjoy…mreow, at least I enjoy it anyway. But she hasn’t tried to give me anything I can spit out at her.
Therapist: Maybe she’s putting it in your food?
Natasia: Meh…I’d know.
Therapist: Any new treats lately?
Natasia: Mreh! There is this new chewy, sticky treat. Really yummy! In fact, that’s something else I wanted to talk to you about. Since I’ve been eating this new treat, I’ve discovered that I may have superpowers!
Therapist: I’m sorry…did you say superpowers? I’m afraid that’s not possible.
Natasia: Oh mreh?! Then explain the fact that I can now leap tall cabinets in a single bound! Mreh! Mommy keeps the new treat in a cabinet really high up and one night, I decided to try to get to it.
Therapist: Now, now…calm down and tell me what happened.
Natasia: I yelled out a battle cry…
Therapist: Battle cry?
Natasia: Mreh, a battle cry…mreooooooowwww! That’s my battle cry, mreow stop interrupting. I don't even know why I keep coming here!
Therapist: I’m sorry. Finish your story.
Natasia: So after the battle cry, I jumped, figuring to land on the counter in front of the cabinet. Instead, I landed on top of the cabinet. Superpowers I tell you!
Therapist: Did you ever get the treats?
Natasia: Hiss! Mreow! Hiss! Stupid paws – no opposable thumb. Hiss!
Therapist: Hmmm…weight gain…food addiction…aggressive…more active…hmmm. I believe your mommy may be giving you a steroid of some kind.
Natasia: Steroids?! I’m a kitty on ‘roids?!!! What will my friends think?! What will my Nuzzle think?!! What will…
Therapist: Calm down, this isn’t as bad as you think. There are support groups for this sort of thing. Here, let me make an appointment for you to visit an S.K.A. support group.
Therapist: Steroid Kitties Anonymous.