Short Story

Rascal Sees A Therapist

by Melissa Minners

Rascal: Mreow, you see, I’ve been rather depressed lately.

Therapist: And why do you think that is?

Rascal: Mreow, you see, lately I’ve gained quite a few pounds.  It’s been affecting my arthritis…I can’t run as fast anymore.  Can’t catch mice like I used to.  Waterbugs are out of the question.  It’s…mreow….

Therapist: Go on.

Rascal: It’s depressing.

Therapist: How so?

Rascal: I used to be king of the neighborhood.  I was the phat cat.  All the ladies loved me.  And then…

Therapist: Yes?

Rascal: That damn woman – she had me snipped!  Ever since that damn operation, I’ve been gaining weight!  And mreow….mreow I can’t even get p***y anymore! 

Therapist: Who? 

Rascal:  My mother!!!!  She did this to me!!! 

Therapist: I see.

Rascal: But then, this cool dude – my uncle – moved in with us.  And we moved to a bigger place.  Was really cool there.  And me and my uncle got along really well. 

Therapist: Really?

Rascal: He watches TV with me and talks to me…shares his magazines with me….lots of hot babes in there!  MREOW MREOW!

Therapist: I see.

Rascal: But today…today…

Therapist: Yes?

Rascal: Today I…I fell through a chair!!!! 

Therapist: What?!

Rascal: I fell through a chair!  I was jumping onto the chair and it fell apart, okay?!

Therapist: (speaking behind a raised legal pad): And how did that make you feel?

Rascal: Mreow did I feel?!  With my mother sitting there laughing at me?  And my sister watching.  And…and…

Therapist: Mhm?

Rascal: And my uncle was there and saw the whole thing! 

Therapist: Well, I…I….I can’t hold it in any longer!   MWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! 

Rascal: And here I was pouring out my kitty heart and soul. 

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