Comedy

Red vs Blue

Distributed by: Roosterteeth

Reviewed by Ismael Manzano

   

      Today, I’d like to bring to your attention a little known, under publicized war that has been raging for over two years now.  Thanks to the brave men of RoosterteethBurnie Burns and Matt Hullum—and their tireless work in the making of this documentary, the world can now be made aware of the silent war of Blood Gulch, a war that has pitted the Red team against the Blue team for no discernable reason other than to see two highly trained teams rip each other apart.  It must end.  And if we raise enough awareness and shine a big enough spotlight on the tragedy of Blood Gulch, then maybe, just maybe, we can bring those brave, pixilated, monochromatic heroes back where they belong. 

     The documentary centers around two teams of soldiers who have unknowingly signed themselves up for a war without purpose: the Red team, made up of Sarge, Simmons, Grif, and Doughnut, and the Blue team, made up of Tucker, Church and Caboose.  Along the way, they meet and recruit others into their senseless battle, but these seven are the main focal point of the documentary. 

     Stationed on Blood Gulch, with limited supplies and inept leaders, these hapless teams must defend their respective bases from their enemy while maintaining peace in the galaxy.  What they don’t know however, is that the war they fight is not with each other, and they have been all but abandoned on Blood Gulch, slaves to the never-ending cycle of combat as dictated by the Halo.  For those of you who have never heard of the Halo or who have never experienced it, don’t worry; the documentary is universally understandable. 

     In their time at Blood Gulch, the Red and Blue team overcome surmounting obstacles such as poor marksmanship, idiot recruits, talking tanks with no understanding of loyalty, psycho female mercenaries, Spanish robots, an evil A.I. with an overdeveloped sense of drama, ghosts, sentient computers with a penchant for knock-knock jokes, and jeeps that play the same annoying song over and over and over again. 

     Using actual footage from the two Halo wars, the brilliant men at Roosterteeth show us these soldiers facing adversity with sidesplitting humor, foul mouths, and razor sharp wit.  With them, the teams of Red and Blue would never have survived the perils of Blood Gulch.

     Now I can not stress this enough: everyone—over the age of eighteen—must get this documentary.  There are three parts so far available to buy with a four on the way, or you can download three minute segments for free off of the Roosterteeth website.  Either way you decide to support the troops of Red and Blue, please do so.  You will not regret it.  And while the story may drag a little as time wears on, you’ll get enough for your time and money to make it all worth while in the end. 

 


For feedback, visit our message board or e-mail the author at imanzano@g-pop.net