Feature Article     Super Bowl XLV and the Commercials by Melissa Minners                Usually, I celebrate the Super Bowl by reviewing the numerous highly priced and also highly anticipated commercials that are aired throughout the television presentation of the event.  However, this year, I decided to discuss the Super Bowl itself and the commercials, because, although the sporting event is usually entertaining, this time around, things were rather perplexing as well.             First, let's talk about the opening ceremonies.  I thought Sam Elliott was a good choice to give the television audience the scoop on the two teams vying for supremacy in Super Bowl XLV.  His smooth, slow and steady historical commentary delivered in what might be one of the sexiest rugged Western accents that ever existed presented a nice change from the usual team introduction.  After the members of the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Green Bay Packers lined up in the field, it was time for the opening songs.  Lea Michelle performed America the Beautiful with the Air Force Tops in Blue and what a performance they gave.  I never doubted it would be good as Lea Michele has an amazing voice, but this was one of the most beautiful renditions of America the Beautiful I had ever heard.              Then, it was time for Christina Aguilera to sing the National Anthem.  Now, I'm not a big fan of this singer to begin with, but her rendition of The Star Spangled Banner probably made Francis Scott Key roll over in his grave.  When she first began singing, I commented on the style of her singing, noting that she was dragging notes out just to show off her vocal range.  that kind of thing annoys me to no end.  Don't ruin the song by showing off!  But then, she did one better, SHE TOTALLY @#$&^&@'D UP THE WORDS!  How do you screw up the words of the National Anthem?!  First of all, this is a song any American should know by heart, but we all know that there are quite a few out there who haven't got a clue what the words to this patriotic song are, let alone what the song means.  But this woman was asked to perform this song in front of an audience of millions.  Would this not behoove any normal individual to brush up on the lyrics?  Did she not practice this song before singing it live?!  Even the players were looking at each other like, HUH?!  Totally unacceptable!             After this supreme disappointment, I decided to focus on the game and the commercials, especially since I already knew who the half-time performers were going to be.  The Black Eyed Peas have never performed live very well, but they promised a terrific show-stopping performance.  There were lots of flashy lights and dance moves, and some weird stuff too, like the dancers with television heads...hmmmm.   A sound malfunction caused Fergie's voice to disappear for a moment, but then it was back and she started doing what she does in every performance with The Black Eyed Peas - she started shouting rather than singing.  A talented singer on her own, whenever she takes the stage with The Black Eyed Peas, you just want to tell her to tone it down.  The best part of the whole performance was Usher, who danced like a dream, but looked rather scrubby if you ask me.             Despite the fact that the team I had picked for the Super Bowl was leading before the half, I had already counted Super Bowl XLV a disappointment.  The penalties issued by the refs against the Packers were ridiculous, most especially the excessive celebrating penalty issued for someone celebrating a touchdown in the same format as Randle El celebrated after every single catch he made.  But it wasn't just the game or the music that was ticking me off - it was the commercials.  This year's offerings were downright flat.  Budweiser, a company that usually supplies the best commercials for the Super Bowl, gave us some of the most lame commercials ever created.  Snickers basically created a repeat performance of last year's Betty White football commercial, this time substituting Richard Lewis and Roseanne as tired loggers.  The very end of the commercial had me chuckling, but otherwise I wondered why they bothered.  Eminem had two commercials, one a claymation ad for Brisk and a Chrysler ad, both equally boring.  The usually fairly racy and funny Go Daddy ads provided some racy edited moments, but there were minimal laughs regarding the newest Go Daddy girl, Joan Rivers and her body double.  Even e-Trade, usually offering up some supremely funny commercials, fell short of the mark this year.             The funniest commercials belonged to Doritos, Chevy, Teleflora and Volkswagen.  The first Doritos commercial to air was, by far, the best of the bunch which alternated between downright disgusting and only mildly funny.  The Doritos commercial that caught my eye: a foolish young man taunts a pug from behind a glass door, waving the Doritos around and waiting for the pug to smash face first into the door.  Instead, the pug barrels through the door, effectively pinning foolish man under the door and allowing him complete access to all of his Doritos.  The Chevy commercial featured the Silverado pick-up truck as Lassie, helping his family save young Tommy from every sort of disaster from falling into a well to surviving a volcano.  Teleflora offered up a young man trying to decide what he should write in a card that will go along with the flowers he is sending his girl.  Faith Hill advises him to write what comes to him and so he proceeds to type, "Your rack is unreal."  Click and the message is sent - it's the first thing that came to his mind!  Some would find it offensive, but I found it funny.  The most talked about commercial and the funniest came from Volkswagon.  All of the Volkswagen commercials were enjoyable.  I particularly enjoyed the Black Betty commercial for the Volkswagen Beetle.  However, the most talked about and probably the cutest commercial of the night goes to the Volkswagen commercial that featured a young boy dressed in a Darth Vader outfit trying his force skills on everyone and everything.  He has been failing miserably all day until he comes upon his father's VW.  Noticing his son trying his force talents on the car, the father decides to give him a hand, clicking on the vehicle's starter giving the boy the impression that his use of the force has powered up the vehicle.  This commercial was adorable and was the talk of the town the following day.             Despite the bad ref calls, the Packers won the game, a result that I deem inevitable since I predicted it.  To understand this, you have to realize the predictions I had made during the playoffs that had already come true, like when I was watching the Steelers play the Ravens and I predicted that there would be no birds in the Super Bowl.  All of the bird teams - the Ravens, Seahawks and Falcons - were all knocked out in the Divisional Playoffs.  Then, I said that there was no way in hell that the Jets were going to beat the Steelers.  I was right there.  Then, I said that, after watching the Steelers score no points in the second half with the Jets, I believed that the Steelers could not win against Aaron Rodgers and the Packers.  Combine all of that with the fact that I am almost never right when it comes to this stuff and that made this year's Super Bowl pretty exciting for me.  Other than that, Super Bowl XLV was a disappointment with its lack of musical entertainment (except Lea Michelle's performance) and its lack of decent commercials.  Better luck next year!  And congratulations to the Green Bay Packers, a team destined to win - why?  Because I told you so!   For feedback, visit our message board or e-mail the author at talonkarrde@g-pop-net.